Before I go on with my rant... I just wanted to know how all you guys are doing:). Also... I wanted to ask what are your biggest triggers and how do you deal with them on healthy days and on unhealthy days.
I'm super anxious lately and I'm having a hard time controlling myself. I have trouble sleeping, breathing, sitting still for a while (which is terrible during a class)... I bite my nails. I have had urges to self-injure lately. I'm not acting on them, though.
I've been crying a lot. I've been restricting a bit this week (but it was a little less than what a non ed person would eat). The two weeks before that were terrible.
My boyfriend is so tired lately and I'm worried about him but at the same time I really really need his support.
I smoked cigarrettes again. I stopped, but I'm so scared I'm going to pick that habit again. The more I smoke the more I restrict my food intake.
I'm upset with myself because I feel like I'm on huge contradiction: I care deeply for animals and the planet, but at the same time I dont care about myself or my body.
My dog has to go away. Its a long story and I dont feel like telling it all over but I'm just going to say is way unfair.
My family is one big mess. My mom's depressed and they're trying to somewhat force her into treatment. Also, she binge eats and it really obese and has enfisema and I'm terrified, thinking she'll keel over any day. She's neglecting me and my sisters. My dad lives in another country and I miss him. Though every time he's around I freak out a bit because he's always comment on people's weight. My big sister is bipolar. My other sister is really mean to me, no matter what. It makes me feel like I'm nothing. My younger sister (yes, I have three sisters) is a rebel and I think somewhat depressed. She's annoying, always looking through my stuff and throwing my eating disorder in my face.
I have fall behind in my classes (because of anxiety issues).
I think I'm freaking out right now. Fuck.
my trigger???? i am ok if i have no spare time. if i am crazy busy i just keep on going, if i am free for just 2 hours, i'll be doing somethiing i shouldn't be. basically i just have to be occupied and in the company of people all the time, which obviously doesn't happen much as i am a bit reclusive. me having any time on my own is BAD news
i bite my nails really badly and smoke far too much, so i relate.
with the smoking thing though, youre definantly much better off just quitting while your ahead, because the habit creeps up on you. you start off just buying a pack occasionally, then once every few weeks, every week, then your smoking all the time, all day. it took me about 3 years to get up to the smoking multiple times a day stage, but no matter how long you stall it out, you always get to that, oops, im addicted, stage.
im sorry to hear that youre still having family problems. there some of the worst kind, because you really have no control over them - its other peoples stuff most of the time and you can only excercise so much say into them.
hows your painting going, i havent seen you update on devart for a while? let me know, keep updating! i miss seeing you around.
paigeee:D! I'm so glad to see you how have you been doing?
Yeah I havent been updating on deviantart but I do have a blog (I dont know if I told you already) where I upload my artwork.
also... I got On the road from Kerouac for my bday:D!